Happy Little Pills
by HeartGold Hufflepuff
Summary: A short story about Connor's final moments.


It really did feel different now. I mean, I'd held a pill bottle so many times before, every morning, every day, every week, and ever year. I'd held it in my hand, gently uncapping it to slide a single white circular pill into my pale hand, wrapping my slim fingers around it, as if in a protective manner. Then I would pop it innocently into my mouth and hope that it would do its job and help me quiet the noises in my raging head-help me feel the slightest bit normal. Yes, I'd done this many times, but it had changed, holding it now, in the emptiness of the dark kitchen, it was heavy in my hand, weighing down my entire arm. For now, the pills would serve a different purpose. One they were never intended for.

The saved up meds filled nearly half of the usually hollow container, I duly observed after easily disposing of the childproof cap. They cackled and clinked against the plastic sides of the bottle when I jostled it around in a circular motion, honestly just buying time for my stupid nerves to build up enough. Pathetic, is it not? The voices in my head echoed loudly. I've been planning this for forever and I still don't have the freaking courage to do it right away. Psh, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic…

My eyes widened into perfect circles, dragged painfully from the thoughts racing around in my battered brain, as I heard and then proceeded to watched as halve of the pills dropped from my cupped and full hand onto the floor all around my feet. I hadn't even realized I'd began pouring them, or that the bottle was now completely empty. Shoot.

I began crouching down to pick up the fallen objects, scattered across the ground like small patches of snowflakes. They were beginning to hold the beauty of them. One by one I stacked the pieces onto the pile on my hand, making sure they wouldn't fall again. Geez, I couldn't even hold freaking pills correctly, what kind of sick loser am I? I felt my eyes begin to sting and my vision blurred with stupid tears that were building up quickly, ready to fall the second I decided to blink. Which, obviously, wasn't going to happen, no matter what. No more pathetic crying was allowed, I had promised myself that-no, I had commanded-there would be no tears shed, especially not for anymore stupid reasons.

The pills were soon all collected, and I had decided to position myself onto the counter, knees to my chest and hand stretched out in front of me. The glass of water I had gotten, in case I needed help, was placed beside me, taunting as the ice swirled within the cooling liquid.

I had to do this, it would be so much better for not only my family but the entire freaking world as well. I wouldn't be able to mess anything up, no more tearing up relationships or completely sucking and destroying whatever I managed to get my clammy hands on. No, everything would be better. This would make things better. It had too. There was no other way.

I wiggled my fingers a bit, feeling the smooth pills that would change everything. It was almost amusing, how something so small, so seemingly insignificant, could hold so much power-whether good or evil was debatable-and actually steal the life away from young souls like myself. It was both amusing… and scary. But, I chose to ignore the latter feeling of fear. It would do me no good at this point.

I could see my hand moving closer to my face, but the numbness that had began spreading throughout my body made it impossible to actually feel or really register the motion. I was, however, able to gather up enough of myself to stop my hand and close my mouth before the pills reached their destination. I… I hadn't written a note. I actually hadn't thought about it… weren't you supposed to? Like, give your final words to loved ones, almost like a will or something?

Well… I don't exactly know what I could say that would actually make sense, much less matter to anyone. So, perhaps I was fine just leaving things a they were, stop second guessing everything. If I hadn't thought about it till now it probably means it won't matter at all. Right then.

I nearly choked, not ready for the onslaught of meds that entered my mouth at once. I jolted upright and leaned my head towards the floor but didn't spit anything out, instead reaching quickly for the water. I was going to swallow these, choking wasn't how I wanted to go. I dumped the water into my mouth and quickly forced a swallow before the fragile pills could dissolve against my tongue.

That was it.

I gasped for breath.

It was done.

In a while… I'll be free.

By morning I will be long gone.

In a few hours my body will be found.

And in a few months… No one will remember my name.

Hah…

Hah...

Hah…

I don't mind.


End file.
